How litigation, socioeconomics, trauma, and other factors stand in the way of building of strong healthy families, and what you can do about it - STRT Nov 2025
I shared your article on the PAA chat today. I think it is an amazing article.
I appreciate the time and research you put into the first part. It is helpful and helps put the general challenge of marriage and parenting in sociological perspective. However, little of it helps explain alienation or the experience of the alienated parent, which is more like being the target of a serial killer.
Many of us were far from unavailable, distracted, or permissive in our parenting, and perhaps it is because parenting meant so much to us, that alienation became the retaliatory method of choice for our narcissistic/machiavellian ex’s, or it became the compulsive, self-preserving behavior of our borderline ex’s who felt threatened by us. As I read about alienation, reflect on my own, and hear others’ stories, I consistently find the unregulated behaviors and emotions of one parent driving the process, often in an intergenerationally repeating pattern. It is like an intergenerational virus or an epigenetic phenomenon. Their alienating parent had it, they have it, and now our kids have it. Not much we could’ve done to prevent it.
The article gets amazing starting with the section on mistrust of the sexes (because those narratives are often used by the alienator in one direction or the other), and the parts that suggest our response as alienated parents resonate as pure gold for alienated parents.
(I would agree that even this second part is much longer than the average mobile phone article, but for me even the repetition and exhortational style are useful—simply put we are all exhausted and demoralized, and sometimes it’s helpful to have a coach who tells us over and over again to keep going. In exercise, positive affirmations, and any process that leads to resilience, overcoming pain, and personal growth, repetition and coaching are key.)
The end result of reading this article is to receive an authentic and convincing exhortation to stay in the game: dress our wounds, stay healthy, seek out support and offer support, develop and practice our emotional resilience and empathy skills, and keep consistently making effort with our alienated children (even if it feels repetitive or fruitless) with a humble determination to find what connects. I also loved how you integrated several useful practical tips and reunification strategies as well.
Reading it, I hope others will feel as I did, truly seen, appreciated, and supported. Thanks Coach.
Thank you so much for the feedback. Looking back over it, I think you are right to mention the absence of the impact alienation brings to parents. While my intention is to speak to that directly for December (to coincide with the upcoming holidays) I think you are right that it would have been better to mention it in some capacity.
This is a great article, but WAY TOO LONG a read, making it difficult to move through. Might I suggest you make this into 4 or 5 topical segments ... I do appreciate the effort, though.
Hey Cindy! Thanks for the feedback! I will be more mindful of the length moving forward. It can be tough sometimes as there are a lot of moving parts that interconnect but I can trim it down in future articles.
I shared your article on the PAA chat today. I think it is an amazing article.
I appreciate the time and research you put into the first part. It is helpful and helps put the general challenge of marriage and parenting in sociological perspective. However, little of it helps explain alienation or the experience of the alienated parent, which is more like being the target of a serial killer.
Many of us were far from unavailable, distracted, or permissive in our parenting, and perhaps it is because parenting meant so much to us, that alienation became the retaliatory method of choice for our narcissistic/machiavellian ex’s, or it became the compulsive, self-preserving behavior of our borderline ex’s who felt threatened by us. As I read about alienation, reflect on my own, and hear others’ stories, I consistently find the unregulated behaviors and emotions of one parent driving the process, often in an intergenerationally repeating pattern. It is like an intergenerational virus or an epigenetic phenomenon. Their alienating parent had it, they have it, and now our kids have it. Not much we could’ve done to prevent it.
The article gets amazing starting with the section on mistrust of the sexes (because those narratives are often used by the alienator in one direction or the other), and the parts that suggest our response as alienated parents resonate as pure gold for alienated parents.
(I would agree that even this second part is much longer than the average mobile phone article, but for me even the repetition and exhortational style are useful—simply put we are all exhausted and demoralized, and sometimes it’s helpful to have a coach who tells us over and over again to keep going. In exercise, positive affirmations, and any process that leads to resilience, overcoming pain, and personal growth, repetition and coaching are key.)
The end result of reading this article is to receive an authentic and convincing exhortation to stay in the game: dress our wounds, stay healthy, seek out support and offer support, develop and practice our emotional resilience and empathy skills, and keep consistently making effort with our alienated children (even if it feels repetitive or fruitless) with a humble determination to find what connects. I also loved how you integrated several useful practical tips and reunification strategies as well.
Reading it, I hope others will feel as I did, truly seen, appreciated, and supported. Thanks Coach.
Thank you so much for the feedback. Looking back over it, I think you are right to mention the absence of the impact alienation brings to parents. While my intention is to speak to that directly for December (to coincide with the upcoming holidays) I think you are right that it would have been better to mention it in some capacity.
Thank you for your support, kindness, and trust.
Always learning!
This is a great article, but WAY TOO LONG a read, making it difficult to move through. Might I suggest you make this into 4 or 5 topical segments ... I do appreciate the effort, though.
Hey Cindy! Thanks for the feedback! I will be more mindful of the length moving forward. It can be tough sometimes as there are a lot of moving parts that interconnect but I can trim it down in future articles.
Thanks again!