I received the message of this post in an email and I have found it to be one of the most helpful readings on help for alienated parents that I have read so far. Andrew is right. One of the hardest parts in dealing with alienation is knowing what to do. I’ve already begun some of what he shared in this writing, but now he has confirmed and clarified what I need to continue doing.
It’s so helpful to know and understand now that I am creating an experience for my children, and when it is good and we laugh, I can help them memorialize it as an anchor. It makes me cry because this is what I needed to know to do. I have felt so lost and alone and devastated by the loss of relationship with my sons. Grieving for living children has been the most painful thing I have EVER experienced in my 45 year lifetime.
It’s also invaluable to be able to know what my kids are experiencing and how it affects them. Now I can see things better from their perspective and I am filled with empathy and compassion for them.
Andrew, thank you for the hope you give us. Thank you for your vulnerability, your strength and your selfless willingness to share your experiences and wisdom with heartbroken but resolved parents like me. I can never thank you enough. I am grateful for you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you abundantly for what you have been through and are doing now. 💗
Thank you Kate! As always, I am here to support parents as best as I can, so feel free to ask any questions you may have, as I may turn it into an article in the future or work it into my book!
Much love to you HoneyBee, I appreciate your support and know that I am here to help as much as I can. Any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! I might even turn it into a future article.
Thanks for writing another great article on how to incentivize a transformative experience in the alienated child, and get past the trauma, with a mindset shift. Why do think the transformative happened with you?, when so many other alienated children never have the transformative experience, even decades later. Do you think you were prepared (pre-planned) to have the experience somehow? or genetics , or luck? Or perhaps don't know.
I don’t know if I can narrow it down to one particular experience, but here are what I think contributed to it.
Firstly, my alienator tried to use the same tactics against my father when she was divorcing him as she had used when alienating me from my mother. The accusations she made did not align with what I had experienced, so I started to doubt her.
Second, I developed an interest in personal development and psychology when I was 13, and that little bit of psychology 101 reading helped me learn to be more introspective.
Thirdly, I had a series of negative experiences with my alienator that made it easier for me to leave her. For example, in my article, Finding Love After Alienation Part 1, I mentioned how my alienator was directly involved in my first teenage relationship breakup. I was reflecting on experiences like that and reached a point where I realized I would never be able to live my own life if I were stuck under her.
The healing process afterward from alienation was a combination of personal development and introspection, plus learning to build a new relationship with my mother.
I received the message of this post in an email and I have found it to be one of the most helpful readings on help for alienated parents that I have read so far. Andrew is right. One of the hardest parts in dealing with alienation is knowing what to do. I’ve already begun some of what he shared in this writing, but now he has confirmed and clarified what I need to continue doing.
It’s so helpful to know and understand now that I am creating an experience for my children, and when it is good and we laugh, I can help them memorialize it as an anchor. It makes me cry because this is what I needed to know to do. I have felt so lost and alone and devastated by the loss of relationship with my sons. Grieving for living children has been the most painful thing I have EVER experienced in my 45 year lifetime.
It’s also invaluable to be able to know what my kids are experiencing and how it affects them. Now I can see things better from their perspective and I am filled with empathy and compassion for them.
Andrew, thank you for the hope you give us. Thank you for your vulnerability, your strength and your selfless willingness to share your experiences and wisdom with heartbroken but resolved parents like me. I can never thank you enough. I am grateful for you from the bottom of my heart. May God bless you abundantly for what you have been through and are doing now. 💗
Thank you Kate! As always, I am here to support parents as best as I can, so feel free to ask any questions you may have, as I may turn it into an article in the future or work it into my book!
Perfect timing. I am hanging on by a thread…..SO VERY grateful for this, makes it easier to cope. Thank you!!
Much love to you HoneyBee, I appreciate your support and know that I am here to help as much as I can. Any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! I might even turn it into a future article.
Thanks for writing another great article on how to incentivize a transformative experience in the alienated child, and get past the trauma, with a mindset shift. Why do think the transformative happened with you?, when so many other alienated children never have the transformative experience, even decades later. Do you think you were prepared (pre-planned) to have the experience somehow? or genetics , or luck? Or perhaps don't know.
I don’t know if I can narrow it down to one particular experience, but here are what I think contributed to it.
Firstly, my alienator tried to use the same tactics against my father when she was divorcing him as she had used when alienating me from my mother. The accusations she made did not align with what I had experienced, so I started to doubt her.
Second, I developed an interest in personal development and psychology when I was 13, and that little bit of psychology 101 reading helped me learn to be more introspective.
Thirdly, I had a series of negative experiences with my alienator that made it easier for me to leave her. For example, in my article, Finding Love After Alienation Part 1, I mentioned how my alienator was directly involved in my first teenage relationship breakup. I was reflecting on experiences like that and reached a point where I realized I would never be able to live my own life if I were stuck under her.
The healing process afterward from alienation was a combination of personal development and introspection, plus learning to build a new relationship with my mother.